STAY FOCUSED AMY!!!!!
Jan 7, 2020
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s11sFjbouQ

good morning everybody welcome back to
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videos anyways today I had a few things
to talk about some a little more
important than others
but I think that it all deserves to be
talked about um sorry I have my tripod
set up kind of funky because well my
tripod broke again you know I can't seem
to get it fixed keep it fixed um anyways
so the first thing I want to say is
thank you to everybody that has joined
my channel good bad beautiful and ugly
thank you to everybody I appreciate all
of the subscribes I appreciate all of
the support I really appreciate all of
the encouragement that I have received
over the last few weeks up until
yesterday I'm continuing to still get
encouragement even into today you know
when you go to change a lifestyle that
you have lived 38 years of well we'll
say 35 years oh okay well - a few years
from when I was a little girl you get
stuck in certain mindsets you get in
certain routines you do certain things
and it's extremely hard to sometimes
break those routines and to break those
things that you do on a daily whether it
be using food for comfort using food for
happiness sadness
um loneliness anything anything you use
like food for however you did that for
all those years you're gonna continue to
do that until you make the choice that
you want to change now
just like a smoker just like an
alcoholic just like a gambler you get
into a habit and it's very hard to break
these things our addictions as well as
having a food addiction is the same
thing I think sometimes people forget
that I am addicted to food
so my eating habits are not gonna change
overnight my weight is not just going to
fall off overnight it didn't take an
overnight job to become over 400 pounds
and it's definitely not gonna be an
overtime jaw overnight job to get under
200 pounds you know so for me it's like
I feel like there are people putting me
up on this pedestal and looking at me
and pointing at me and making fun of me
before they even realize it takes work
and I'm breaking a lot of bad habits and
along with that I'm creating new habits
to place those that I was doing at one
time I know that they're gonna be
reaction videos out there I know there's
reaction channels that are starting to
sniff me out and they want to react to
me and that's totally fine go for it
have a field day with me I really that
part doesn't bother me but what bothers
me is when somebody puts out a complete
straight lie about me that is not okay
last night I was going through Twitter
and I have a Twitter account but I don't
really use just because honestly I you
know social media is great no but you
get so many social medias it's like
you're repeating yourself on every
social media what is the point but I
like to use social
Twitter to like keep up with just
different things shows that I watch and
things like that so anyways I was
following I am following a certain
youtuber and last night they had video
are they posted something about my
journey and how this is like I don't
know just saying a whole bunch of
negative things about me and then
somebody posted on there that back when
if I can find the video I I really don't
even know what video it was but it was
of my two little ones
Omar Nisour are sitting at the table
they were eating food and this is when I
very begin I'm pretty sure this is when
I very much started my channel and I
don't know if it's month being mukbang
you know and at that time I really
didn't know how to say it and I was just
playing around when I was like look at
the to MUC buggers or muck longers and I
was trying to correct myself and then at
the end I was like ching ching ching
ching you know because i was just
playing around I first of all I didn't
even know the muck ping came from China
or Japan I don't know I didn't know what
came from the Asian culture I had no
clue so right there it was an innocent
comment it wasn't like I would
deliberately went out there and said
some common against a race that I
purposely put out there because I'm a
racist and somebody said oh this is
gonna be Amy's of video tomorrow I'm not
a racist yeah you're darn right it's
gonna be a video I put out tomorrow
because you're not gonna slander my name
and put me out there as some racist
first of all my family is put together
with of so many cultures I've got
Islanders in Michael and my family
Hispanics
American Indian Asian Egyptian you name
it my family has put up of multiple
cultures multiple races how could I be
race how could I be a racist first of
all I'm
say right how could I be a racist I
would never in a million years do
something like that
so for somebody to sit there and
knowingly say it knowing that they're
just nitpicking about something and then
to lie on it I think is pretty crappy
you know this youtuber I used to watch
and I enjoyed him and I you know I
thought he was funny I mean sometimes I
thought it was kind of harsh that the
things that he would say or do but I
more or less just laughed with him
because you know if like the face facial
expressions and stuff like that but then
it's like I really sit back and I'm like
listening to him talk about me and I'm
like whoa Nelly hold on wait a minute
you claim to have gone to college and
have two degrees and all this stuff but
you're gonna lower yourself down to this
standard that you're going to actually
make up lies about people like how fair
is that to somebody that is innocently
was playing around but this is how
things start this is how hate starts is
somebody makes a rumor people don't know
the truth they don't know what it is
they're just going off of what you say
because you have a big following so of
course people are gonna listen to you
over someone that's small so of course
they're gonna think oh my god she's a
racist oh my god and then turn around
and turn it all on me like I'm some bad
person no I was plain it was pure fun
innocence I was just like ching ching
ching ching ching ching
Gimme a Break has not done that and who
would not even I mean you've got an
issue if that's the first thing you
jumped to was oh my god she's a racist
like you're one of those people that you
can't wear a certain color because oh my
god you're in a gang like you know it's
just I don't know I don't know I guess
people are different everybody has their
own opinion and I get that but I really
think it's sad that there are people out
there truly making false accusations
about me you know and I already get
enough crap about she's a scammer she's
a liar she's of this she's of that I
have never hurt any
in my life on YouTube I have never I
made up with everybody that I ever did
wrong with I talked to every one of them
every one of them I have not one enemy
of on my side that don't like me because
I don't I'm not that type of a person
but then I've got these dummies that are
out there saying that I'm a spammer or a
scammer and I'm a liar and I'm a child
abuser and I'm an animal abuser and I'm
fat and I'm ugly and I'm the worst piece
of crap that on the face of the earth
and all this other stuff and that's fine
you guys again anybody that wants to
believe that go for it have a field day
with it it really is fine but I really
wish that you would stop and look at
yourself in the mirror and I hope when
you're seeing those things about
somebody that you honestly are falsely
accusing I hope to god that you don't
get falsely accused one day and that it
tears you down because honestly I think
that is the most ugliest nastiest thing
somebody could ever do to somebody is to
sit there and put a name out on somebody
that is not even true my heart if
somebody could see how big my heart is
and see how much I truly care and love
about people you would be amazed at what
people say and how I truly am I I'm just
you know I try my hardest not to let it
get to me I always see the good in
everybody and that's what I try and do
with everybody I always look at the good
I always give the benefit of the doubt
you know just like I had an issue with
you know cupcake vegan at the very
beginning I thought she was being like
complete attacking to me but then when I
really stopped and I thought about it
and I really listened to her words I
thought no you know what she's not she's
truly trying to put out there help she's
trying to help me
and once I really got talking to her and
I really listened I was like yeah she's
not meaning anything bad she's truly
talking from her heart and she knows her
stuff because this is what she does for
a living I would be a fool not to listen
to somebody that knows
what they're talking about versus
somebody that doesn't know what they're
talking about and just wants to say that
I am a fail or your failure the first
week that I'm into my changing of my
habits this person you know she's
telling me like don't jump to this about
any calories don't cut out carbs don't
do this don't do that
only do five minutes of walking she is
like giving me these tips that I'm like
wow you know what she doesn't expect me
on the first day to go walk for 45
minutes five times a day she's not
expecting me to have my whole diet cut
out and prepared and done a hundred
percent because that's just the way it
goes no she's not and I appreciate that
and I was at her live yesterday she has
what's called an accountability group
and honestly is again I could not be
more happier than I I went in I seen I
got a notification for it but I was in
the middle of doing something so I
couldn't get onto it right away but as
soon as I could I jumped onto it and I
sat there and listened for a little bit
and I'm like wow she really doesn't know
what she's talking about and she was
hitting all those keys that I've needed
to hear emotional eating and things like
that and that's what I am I eat for
emotion and so as I was listening to her
I finally typed in and so then it you
know people were acknowledged that I was
there and it just everybody you know for
what I know everybody who welcomed me
with open arms she welcomed me you know
and gave me some amazing tips I had so
much encouragement and support on the
site chat I left that and last night and
not from that group I left feeling so
optimistic that I can do this it's not
too much and I'm not going to do all of
these rational things that I had in my
mind thinking that's what I had to do no
I'm not I'm not gonna go 100% zero carbs
and like cut everything out because I'm
punishing myself thinking that that's
the only way I'm gonna lose weight no
like she said moderation is the biggest
key and I know that but now I have to
put those
to act and you know activity you know I
can do five minutes once an hour get up
once an hour set my alarm five minutes
walk the next hour five minutes walk
until I can build my back muscle and be
able to make it outside and start
walking my neighborhood I have to start
somewhere I can't just start in the
middle and say okay I'm doing this I'm
done and here I've lost this much of
weight no I'm not I'm not gonna do that
and I'm not gonna set myself up for
failure because this is something I want
for a lifetime I want my life back I
want to live I want to finally have my
legs where they work and I know that I
can do things and I have the back
Stegman that I can do things and go do
my grocery shopping for my family and do
the motherly things that I want to do
and the wife thinks that I want to do
and do the things that Amy wants to do
you know I am ready to live and I want
this so bad but I want it in a way that
I'm going to be able to hold it out and
do it for a lifetime
this is not a temporary fix this is not
something I'm gonna do for the next
couple years and then oh okay I'm cured
no I know that this is something I'm
gonna have to do for the rest of my life
so why not get on something that's gonna
keep me going for the rest of my life I
want to get up in the morning time and
look forward to doing a morning walk get
up in the evening time after dinner and
be like okay I'm gonna go and do a
workout I want to get to that point
because that's what's in my heart but I
have allowed my physic physical body to
hold me back that now it's like I can't
I think about it but I can't physically
do it so like she said start little
don't put yourself out there where
you're gonna work the area that you're
gonna walk for 45 minutes so then you
fail because you can only make it five
minutes so then in return you're beating
yourself up because you only made it
five minutes set your goals to what you
can make and now we then you feel like
you've accomplished something and that
was like the biggest thing I think I
took from her last night was that set a
goal that you can manage and then go
from there don't set something so high
like I'm in a climb Mount Everest before
I climb a hill on my street like I
totally
understood what she was saying I'm like
wow that is like the biggest thing right
there that is a big thing to me because
I always do that I always set myself to
these huge standards bill and I never
make them so then in return it's like
you know or I have these standards that
oh I'm gonna lose 20 pounds this week
and maybe I only lost 4 pounds okay well
I lost 4 pounds that's 4 pounds are
often not on but I didn't make my 20
pounds so now I feel like a failure
so screw it because I didn't make it to
the 4 to the 20 just forget it I'm not
gonna try because I didn't make it
that's my mindset that's how I work so
instead I didn't even put amount of
weight i want to lose every week I
didn't say that I'm backing off from
that I'm like no I'm not going to do
that I'm not gonna put how much you know
I have a goal of what I want to weigh I
have my set little goals that I want to
achieve but I didn't put a time limit to
him because why like she said you're
gonna set yourself up for failure
because if you don't meet those you're
gonna turn around and retrack yourself
and then you're gonna just throw it all
out because you didn't make your you
didn't meet your your point to what you
put up for yourself so then in return
you're gonna have that whole fill your
story going on your mind so then you're
not even gonna try anymore so that I I
received so much information and if
anybody is struggling anybody that is
struggling with eating issues or needing
advice with like body movement and
things like that go over to cupcake
vegan for life honest to god she she
helped me see things last night that I
have never seen she made me see things
that my nutritionist has never even
helped me see and you know and people
said well what kind of a nutritionist
wouldn't give you a diet plan my
nutritionist is part of the believer of
intuitive eating which is very good into
it that is a good philosophy and I do go
by that to a point but she does not
believe in putting up a diet
she believes that if you want Taco Bell
don't deprive yourself of it go and have
talked about if you want an ice cream go
have an ice cream because your
body wants it don't ever deprive
yourself always give yourself what you
want so she will never give me a diet
plan I asked her i sat down and said I
want a diet plan like I need something
that I can go off of every single day a
min a menu so I can say okay for
breakfast I'm having this snack I'm
having this lunch I'm having this snack
I'm having this dinner I'm having this
nighttime snack if I need one I can have
this I am one of those that have to have
it written out I cannot be placed in a
kitchen that is why you like Weight
Watchers would never work for me why
because you're put in a kitchen and said
okay this is what you have you know
these are what your calories you're
allowed to have this is what you're
allowed to have go figure it out I can't
I cannot do that I that is something I
will say 100% right now I cannot be put
in a kitchen and say okay Amy go figure
out your dinners go figure out your
snacks figure it all out I can't I can't
I have to have it written out so that I
know every single day okay this is what
I'm gonna have and I already have it all
figured out I have all my calories
figured out I have all of my car
everything figured out I have it already
written down my nutritionist doesn't do
that
aka why I have not went to my
nutritionist for a couple of months now
because I really don't see eye to eye on
her on that because I am asking for a
menu plan he doesn't want to give me a
menu plan so then in return I feel like
okay then what am i doing like why am I
in this nutritionist counseling if I'm
not getting what I need I need this I
know I need this so I've talked to my
therapist I'm like dude I can't this is
not gonna work like I need something
more than just this so yes I was
diagnosed with like diabetes like very
low diabetes that's why they did not
give me a monitor they did not give me
any of that stuff and they did put me on
the metformin
but he was gonna hook me up with a
nutritionist then we had issues with my
insurance switching now I haven't heard
anything so I'm kind of in limbo right
now
but listening to her last night I was
just like oh my gosh everything she
saying is a hundred percent exactly my
what's like in my thoughts is what's in
her thoughts so I know that that's why I
connected with her and I was just like
amused at what she was saying because
I'm just like God she's speaking
everything that's in my brain like she's
reading what's in my mind
that's what I need that's what I have
been wanting is just help to figure out
what type of a mill will help me what
type of a menu I mean will help me to
gain weight loss but also be able to
learn nutrition at the same time because
that is what I struggle with I don't
know how to put nutritionists Mills to
nutritional Mills together I was never
taught that I was taught to eat out of a
box that I mean there's nothing no shade
on my family for teaching me that I had
a lot of family living together I mean I
was raised with at one time in one of my
homes I was being raised with eight
siblings and then you know mom and dad
so there was a lot of us so we didn't
have these spectacular gourmet Mills
every single day no we ate Hamburger
Helper macaroni and cheese big
casseroles that that's just what we ate
because that's what was affordable and
that's okay
but I was never taught how to cook
nutritional Mills and that's what I'm
wanting to strive to learn now so now at
38 years old I'm having to teach myself
things that I might have known back when
I was in the early 20s but I didn't so
it's something I'm trying to learn at
such a later age but I think people
forget that their thinking was she
should already know this stuff
she should already be doing this stuff
no I was not taught so I'm teaching
myself I had a nutritionist she didn't
want me to do those things so now I'm
having to do this myself but cupcake
vegan has popped in at the perfect time
and has stepped in and I am like 100%
she's got me on another program I am so
I've seen a couple comments for it says
you know Amy's given up on my fitness
pal no I have not given up on my fitness
pal but one I haven't been logging my
food because I haven't been eating much
because I
SiC so it's been like eating to survive
basically and that's really nothing at
this point - um there's another app that
cupcake had me download so I did and I
was playing around with it last night I
have some questions for her so I'm gonna
Twitter her today and ask her if she
could walk me through because I'm a
little bit confused on a few things so
what I did was I went ahead and went
over to my fitness pal - just log it for
today so I don't forget what I did and
how many calories and stuff I had until
I can figure this about a hundred
percent but I can see it's gonna be an
easy app once I catch all the little
tricks but it's learning a different app
so and I am kind of slow at learning
different types of things like that so
once I have her possibly help me I think
it will be a better app for me to use
it's a lot more accurate and so but I am
doing my fitness pal just for now but I
will be fully switching over to this
other app and I will put it down in my
description box if I can remember so if
you guys are interested in looking at it
- but this one I has been highly
recommended by not just her but a few
other people that they have downloaded
it and they're having success using it
so it's definitely something I want to
jump on - so anyways I know that I came
off kind of strong on this video but you
know I just I guess it just it's hard to
stay quiet when you see people putting
false information out about you or
putting you on standards that you should
not be put out yet you know you have to
give somebody a chance give me a chance
you know I again I don't know where
people have come off that I am a scammer
and I'm in this and I am a that I don't
know where this all started from i
honest to god I don't know and if it's
all because of that whole money thing
back in the few months ago that is old
it's done it's over with I have Pro
proven over and over and
/ until I'm blue in my face I have
returned every penny back to everybody
that donated but you are not gonna
believe it if you don't want to believe
it so there's no point in me continuing
to keep trying to push myself out there
and prove my words when I already have
proven what I can prove you know but I
just wish that people would let up on me
just a little bit I wish that people
would give me an honest chance and not
jump to this whole negative Nancy like
give me a break
give me a chance to show you guys that I
am serious about this and that this is
what I want and this is what I'm going
to do like that's that's it hey Ashton
mansion boy's awake smashed in come here
but anyways so yeah I just I I know like
I said I know I'm coming off kind of
harsh but I just I really I just want
people to see that I am trying and I I
am here's mister smashton I've had
people ask me to see him say hello see
see hello and see wintertime is coming
to an end and just so I can let
everybody know he is actually down four
pounds and it is very common very normal
for them to put weight on in the
wintertime because that's when they do
most of their sleeping but now that
we're going to be going into spring
breeding time is going to be happening
so they come out again during the
daytime more and they lose a lot of
their fatty tissue our fatty weight
whatever you want to call it but he is
on a very healthy diet he has had no
dogs he has had note nuggets he's had
none of that I don't want to say it out
loud because he knows those words he is
strictly on his case
food and he gets other little things but
I mean very nutritionist and like I said
he's down four pounds and like the vet
says he will continue to keep dropping
weight as the winter is coming to an end
and he's to be like getting back to his
perky red himself because they were in
such a sleep mode during that time that
they just sleep and sleep and sleep and
sleep and sleep like he will sleep
anywhere from 18 to 20 hours a day but
he's starting to lessen that he wakes up
at 10:30 at night and he wants to play
until 3 o'clock in the morning then
he'll go to bed and sleep until about 11
o'clock 11 o'clock in the afternoon 12
o'clock and then he comes out in place
for a couple hours and then when Maya
gets home he comes out for quite a while
and him and Jeremiah will snuggle and
stuff but during the time that he's
awake with me he's cuddling with me he
sleeps with me every single night he's
with me sleeping
he loves there's snuggles don't
everybody see hello everybody
mm-hmm I love when he wakes his little
noises ISM smashton OHP Ashton where's
the baby but yeah I just want to show
everybody mister smashed in cuz he's
awake yes this is this is his baby
the kids got him a skunkin so he sleeps
with it
he takes it under the bed with him oh
your baby oh you ready get down
he had his bath last night he got his
nails clipped oh he got his teeth
brushed huh no ways I am gonna close you
guys I just you know I know that like I
said today's today's video is just a
little bit on you know just more of just
a like an emotional side I guess because
I'm just I really because I see good in
people I won't see people to see the
good in me and it's hard when you don't
see people seeing the good in you and
all you do is mean well so anyways I
can't change what people have seen about
me I can't change what people say about
me I just hope that the ones that are
truly out there that our true supporters
of me will honestly stop and really take
a look at me understand what I have gone
through what I am going through and what
I am trying to do to change things and
then go from there so anyways I am not
uploading food today I just really want
to get this video out but today I did
start doing my recording of what I eat
so I will have that ready for you guys I
will have my weigh-in video tomorrow for
you guys as well so I hope everybody is
having a blessed run derful wonderful
Tuesday and I will see you guys tomorrow
bye bye